'Nexus 2.431'
Nexus 2.431. The Spanish Star Wars. But in English. What's funny is that this movie was listed right above Niagara, the classic Marilyn Monroe film. Instead, I get stuck with a movie starring Oliver Tobias. I guess in some dark, despair-ridden regions of Europe, that name means something. Not to me. What is this movie doing there? I always get the feeling I rent these tapes and bring them out from their states of VHS hibernation, and for doing so, they punish me.
Nexus 2.431
Dir: José María Forqué
Screenplay: Juan Piquer Simón, José María Forqué and Álvaro Forqué
Summary:
First, let me point out how difficult it is to write a summary when you can't understand what the hell is going on in the first place. The premise laid out in the film's intro is simple. Screwy, but simple:
In the Earth's future, the world had become very, very polluted. So polluted, in fact, that the Earth couldn't take it anymore and, one day, exploded! Right before the explosion, a select few sensed this would happen and were able to evacuate to a distant, dersert planet who offered solace in their barren equatorial regions.
After that, I went into a deep B-movie trance and lost my bearings completely. I know there was an Earthling king, of sorts, who had a beautiful (or what needs to pass for "beautiful" for the story's sake), mysterious teenage daughter. Some fat foreign dignitary wanted to take her as his wife in return for some much needed supplies or something like that. The King says she's far too young to marry, the fat dignitary says the King's full of shit, everyone gets angry,
daughter eventually winds up captive on a spaceship, so on and so forth. Then there's this really effeminate guy (unfortunately, our hero) who's literally never seen a girl before, ever, and sits around his cave all day worshipping these three crystal knives. The mysterious daughter appears to him as if in a dream, gives him a kiss and his first ever glimpse of a girl. Having finally seen a girl, he decides he likes girls very much, grabs his three knives, ventures out of his cave and, enlisting the help of another really bad European actor, saves her. Just don't ask me how.
Impressions:
As I mentioned, this is the "Spanish Star Wars," but in fairness to Spain, this is actually a Czech-Spanish co-production. I hate to reel the Czech Republic into this mess, but let's face it - it's true. It used actors and crew from both of those countries, and some actors from the UK, as well. That's a pretty common practice in Europe; using funds and resources from studios and, probably, federal grant money from two or more nations to get a movie produced. That way, they can finally afford to use stock footage of planet Earth and then suddeny cut to a close-up of a firecracker exploding against a black background. I think the makers of this film actually blew their entire budget on the matte painting pictured below. I understand that the guy who did it is, in fact, talented.
The main thing I liked about Nexus 2.431 was the way it made up for its lack of actual quality with really, really ugly costumes. No, just kidding, it made up for it with an abundance of shots of greasy men staring at things. No, no - okay, got you again. Really, for serious this time, it made up for it with ambition. Raw, oily, nicotine-stained European ambition. I always try to find at least one thing about these movies I like, and I guess that'll have to do for now. It was ambitious.
I mean, somebody obviously put their heart and soul into painting the cardboard spaceships (not pictured).
Next week's movie: Page 16, line 3.
Nexus 2.431
Dir: José María Forqué
Screenplay: Juan Piquer Simón, José María Forqué and Álvaro Forqué
Summary:
First, let me point out how difficult it is to write a summary when you can't understand what the hell is going on in the first place. The premise laid out in the film's intro is simple. Screwy, but simple:
In the Earth's future, the world had become very, very polluted. So polluted, in fact, that the Earth couldn't take it anymore and, one day, exploded! Right before the explosion, a select few sensed this would happen and were able to evacuate to a distant, dersert planet who offered solace in their barren equatorial regions.After that, I went into a deep B-movie trance and lost my bearings completely. I know there was an Earthling king, of sorts, who had a beautiful (or what needs to pass for "beautiful" for the story's sake), mysterious teenage daughter. Some fat foreign dignitary wanted to take her as his wife in return for some much needed supplies or something like that. The King says she's far too young to marry, the fat dignitary says the King's full of shit, everyone gets angry,
daughter eventually winds up captive on a spaceship, so on and so forth. Then there's this really effeminate guy (unfortunately, our hero) who's literally never seen a girl before, ever, and sits around his cave all day worshipping these three crystal knives. The mysterious daughter appears to him as if in a dream, gives him a kiss and his first ever glimpse of a girl. Having finally seen a girl, he decides he likes girls very much, grabs his three knives, ventures out of his cave and, enlisting the help of another really bad European actor, saves her. Just don't ask me how.Impressions:
As I mentioned, this is the "Spanish Star Wars," but in fairness to Spain, this is actually a Czech-Spanish co-production. I hate to reel the Czech Republic into this mess, but let's face it - it's true. It used actors and crew from both of those countries, and some actors from the UK, as well. That's a pretty common practice in Europe; using funds and resources from studios and, probably, federal grant money from two or more nations to get a movie produced. That way, they can finally afford to use stock footage of planet Earth and then suddeny cut to a close-up of a firecracker exploding against a black background. I think the makers of this film actually blew their entire budget on the matte painting pictured below. I understand that the guy who did it is, in fact, talented.
The main thing I liked about Nexus 2.431 was the way it made up for its lack of actual quality with really, really ugly costumes. No, just kidding, it made up for it with an abundance of shots of greasy men staring at things. No, no - okay, got you again. Really, for serious this time, it made up for it with ambition. Raw, oily, nicotine-stained European ambition. I always try to find at least one thing about these movies I like, and I guess that'll have to do for now. It was ambitious.I mean, somebody obviously put their heart and soul into painting the cardboard spaceships (not pictured).
Next week's movie: Page 16, line 3.
posted by Clint at 12:03 AM
2 comments
